on solitude-

today i had this intense urge to run. i was walking from class back to my dorm and a spark lit from within. it was in that moment i escaped, as i often do, into my own head. everything around me blurred, and i saw myself. i dropped my bag, my coat, and my scarf; i unloaded all that seemed as a burden and i ran. i didn't know where i was running to, or what i wanted when i arrived wherever i was going- i just knew i was going. somewhere. going for the run. and it felt so good too. i ran and ran as the wind kissed my face and my hair danced and then- then i started to laugh. before i knew it i was caught up in a hysteria of laughter; it enveloped me so i let it. i was running and laughing. i was free, so unbelievably free without a care in the world. no thought of him, or her or that, or even this. i was running and laughing and be-ing. i was- i just was.

and then i snapped out of it. i looked into the passing eyes around me and felt the weight of my books upon my shoulders and the warmth of my coat. reaching for my key, i paused. i touched my cheeks feeling for the width of my smile, and it was in that moment i saw how perfect life can be, and how welcoming solitude is.

i'm not lonely, just alone. and there's nothing wrong with that. absolutely nothing. someday i will have someone to share these moments with, but what a shame it would be if i were to miss them now. and maybe that's the point of loneliness; maybe that feeling is to get our attention. if so, we should feel it deeply when it comes. feel the loneliness and recognize that solitude's calling. maybe that's why i've always loved this season. maybe that's what the naked trees can teach us; if only we'd pay attention we could see it. we would see just how at peace they are in the midst of such solitude. the trees have it; they know how to embrace being alone. because they know from experience, like all things, the loneliness only lasts for a season.

and this- this just happens to be that season.