the sum of it all.

in a couple of weeks i will be twenty.
the big 2O.

i still remember playing with the my-size barbie my daddy gave me at four, and driving that little pink barbie jeep. i remember waking up to snow cones- literally, my grandma would place a bowl outside and then mix the snow with honey and chocolate. i still remember drowning in the chicago snow, and riding my bike through the streets of montclair, nj.  it's crazy how quickly life changes. how one day you're an insecure twelve year old girl, who just wants to be noticed- but not too much. and then you wake up and you're nineteen. you have the best year in the history of your life, and all you can do is hope that the age to come treats you just as kind. and there's this spirit of idealism you can't escape, and it hopes the age to come will be more than you've ever imagined.

and isn't that what any of us ever really hopes for?

twenty. twenty years of life on this earth....
it seems so small compared to the enormity of this planet. the muchness of it all.

and i ask myself, how many lives can a girl live? and is it possible to contain them all?
by contain, i mean, bottle them up in an album of nostalgia. because so far, i think i've done a good job. well considering what has been handed to me. i've had some pretty incredible experiences; though some have been  less than ideal. nevertheless, i am grateful for the sum of it all.

and that's what it all comes down to, right?
you are the sum total of the decisions you make.


i only wish to be proud of those decisions.

My parent's wedding, 1997

Twenty, I welcome you with open arms. Be good to me? A little magic would be nice too...