on those five kept letters-

for spring break i decided to come home for the week. you see, i've been going since last may. literally flying or driving to the next town, state, city, continent, country. as you can imagine, it is quite taxing on a mother to know that friends have heard more about my travels than she. the countless magical nights, and colorful days. so this week i dedicated to my parents and brother, to sharing life with them again.

as i cleaned under my bed today i found these letters in a box. five separate letters all with one message. as i looked at them, but didn't open them-- there just wasn't a need to because i know what they say-- i remembered how it felt the first time reading each letter. i remember how it felt close to being the end of the world, or rather the end of my world as i knew it. five years later with letters in hand, i laugh. not because of how i reacted five years ago, but because i kept each one. why is that? why do we hold on to the things that once caused so much pain? made us feel less than. as i looked around my room, i discovered for the first time-- it really hit me-- i have compiled quite a collection of painful reminders. in fact, i would go insofar as to say, i could win an award if there were such an award. 

i am neatly placing my treasured belongings-- mostly books-- into boxes and as if naturally, i picked up these five letters to place them into the box as well. in an out of body experience, i realize how symbolic of an action it was and spoke out loud, 

"no. you do not belong with the sacred. you are not my rejection anymore. in fact, you never were..." 

i breathed life into that dead weight; in so doing, i release all others from the same origin.