on what we should have been-

last night i sat across a crowded bar with you in the room. i had a feeling you'd be there. i didn't see much of you or who you were with. i've wondered who you give your time to these days and i didn't even think to find out yesterday when i finally had the answer. but there you were; the tension, i could  no longer feel. the sadness, it wasn't there. the wanting way about us, that was gone too.

"he's here, you know." she said as i got a beer and sat down.
"who?" i respond.
"he is. i thought you knew."i glance over and catch a piece of you in my periphery.
"oh. i see. i'm okay. really, i'm great."

last night i sat across a crowded bar with you in the room and i was okay. i should have said "hi." only because life is short and i'm graduating and we're both going abroad and who knows when we'll ever be in the same room again? i still cannot pinpoint the lesson in us. being in the same room as you for the first time in five months confirmed that i really don't know what the point was. perhaps it was a mistake. did we misread the cues?

maybe we should have been friends. we shouldn't have rushed things. i  have a feeling we would have been great friends. we would have been good  for each other in that regard. we would still be good for each other. we should be friends.

i hope you're reading this. all of it is for you. it has always been for you.