On twenty fifteen-

Prague, Oct 2014

2014 was a year of constant breathlessness, in more ways than I can record. I traveled near and far, healed a deep heartache that lived as a cloud hovering over me for two plus years. Time heals all wounds was my anthem each foggy morning I struggled to get out of bed. And it did. Nearly three years later, months of therapy and friends who never left my side even in my silence, I made it out of the tunnel, into the light. I let go of the unasked questions and the what if's. I left the only life I knew for four years and set out into a world that still isn't quite ready for me, but I adjust. We adjust. The truth is: the world will never be ready for us. So don't you dare wait on it.

The clock struck twenty fifteen as I sat in downtown Charlotte traffic next to my best friend. We made a toast with water to the new year, in laughter. I rolled down the passenger window and stuck my head out, feeling the crisp midnight breeze of a new year with fireworks reflecting in the rear-view: how imperfectly perfect. I didn't know it before then, but a water toast in traffic beside your best friend is better than a champagne toast in Vegas with Drake. There's a lot of things I thought I knew leaving the year behind, then last night happened. In the midst of the stillness came my resolve.

In 2015 I aim to unlearn. I want to unlearn what it means to love Jesus and live wholly surrendered to Him; to unlearn the lies that have been spoken over me by others and by self; to unlearn when it is okay to say "I love you" to the ones you love; to unlearn how much of your life should be documented on social media; to unlearn what it means to be a woman; to unlearn "success" by this worlds standards; and to unlearn how to be a good daughter, sister, auntie, granddaughter, niece, cousin, and friend. To unlearn everything, only to relearn. Unlearning will be my most profound education as of yet, and how lucky I am to have the greatest professor in the creator of all things.

As I unlearn, I wouldn't mind a little love story thrown in...O how good time has been to this heart, it's been made ready for whatever may come.

*I will breathe more, but be more thankful for all of those who are capable of stealing it. I will listen more, and absorb the words being said with a clear heart, and a mind that is not conjuring up my responses. I will hope, more hope for more things that seem hopeless. I will be the last one to let go with hugging arms when someone trusts me with an embrace; I will be strength when it is needed, but always decorated with simple tenderness. I will be the holder of wild things and the soother of soul sickness, I will be the magic you stopped believing in, the jaw dropping reveal that you would’ve sworn was an illusion. I will be the hand you hold, but we can take turns leading one another into adventure. I will be the shoulder for crying, the fingers for tear drying, the lungs for sighing, and the wings when yours are too tired for flying. I will be the answer if you are brave enough to ask the question, I will be the end of the sentence that begins the most important paragraph. I will be the words, for I have always been the words, and all of them will be true. 

May you, my next love, be my last love. An end to a history of ellipses. O how I can't wait to take turns leading one another in adventure. **I now have the courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time.

Happy twenty fifteen. xo

*Tyler Knott Gregson
**From a quote by Maya Angelou